Tethered (J + P series) Read online

  “Alright, let's go before I lock myself in my room with a nervous breakdown.” I told her minutes later.

  She laughed. Oh good, she was enjoying watching me lose it. Awesome. I felt so incredibly nervous that I could not fathom eating one bite. That would mean I would either have to push food around my plate for the whole meal or do a lot of talking.

  “You suck, I mean...I know I asked you to help me in the love department, but a blind date?!” Jen just smiled and said “I love you Perry. Relax.”

  We entered the dining hall and I followed her moves. We went through the line and then sat at an empty table. Maybe she had been kidding. Phew. I could relax and enjoy my meal. I took a few bites and noticed her waving at someone at the entrance to the hall. There were two new faces I had never seen before. Boys. Tall and fairly attractive. They were preppy and wore khakis, tennis shoes, and frat letters on their t-shirts. Who were these guys?

  I whispered “Hey Jen, is that who I am meeting?” she nodded and smiled and turned back to the boys. “Who are they?” I didn't know any frat guys besides Mason and he was on our bad list. We would see him soon enough to chew him a new one.

  “You don't remember?! Maybe you will remember if I put Aerosmith on and the two of you get your groove on.” She teased.

  O....M....G! Not the random guy from last night. I was instantly not happy. I had never intended on seeing Mr. Random again. I felt beyond annoyed and embarrassed. I had no words.

  They got their food and joined us at the table. Jen pulled out her personality card and Edward was quietly hanging by her side watching her cast her magic spell on my behalf. Only, I didn't want it. I just wanted to leave the room.

  “Hey, how's it goin'?” the tallest one asked. Apparently that was the one I kissed and his name was Dan.

  “OK, and you?” I was trying to be polite. Unfortunately, this felt like when you are walking with your friend and they see a friend of theirs that you have never met. They introduce you to each other but you could care less about each other. That was what this felt like. The other guy was there to support Dan and help fill in the conversation gaps. I did not say much during the meal and I felt no spark between Dan and myself. It was awkward, and not the good kind of awkward. I was lost in thought thinking about how sucky the rest of the year would be being the only one of our gang without a boyfriend. I guess Lauren was on the market now too, but that wouldn't last, the boys were already lining up for a chance with her.

  Just then I was tapped on the shoulder and pulled from my self-wallowing pity. It was Greg. He was like an angel at that moment. I felt instantly better seeing him. Maybe he would sit with us and I could just lose myself in conversation with him. But then I saw that five steps behind him was Jared, hands in pockets, eyes looking down. Maybe it wouldn't be good for them to sit with us. I would have to make a point to eat with Greg sometimes since I spent less time in their room and missed spending time with them, him actually. Greg just gave me a nod and a wink and they exited the dining hall.

  Next, Lauren came in with Mags and Tim. They could see we were finishing our meal but were curious to meet the new faces at the table. Dan and his buddy perked up when they saw Lauren. Yep, she had that kind of effect on the guys. But the best thing about it was she never let it get to her head and she was a really down to earth girl. I laughed to myself because these guys were like salivating dogs and she was nursing her heart after what happened to Mason. She was not in their league and even if they were – today was not the day for her to even consider anything with them. After Mags, Tim, and Lauren got up to get their food, Dan and his friends stood, shook our hands and left. When they were out of sight I punched Jen in her arm. “Let's never do that again. OK?”

  She nodded. She knew it failed and that she would have to try a new approach. Edward teased me about what a loser Dan was. “Don't worry about him not working out. He's a dork. You are too good for him.”

  “Thanks Edward.” he smiled and then kissed Jen.

  “So Mags said we will leave in 45 minutes to go to the frat. Meet us in the lobby OK?” she informed me.

  “Okay.” I left the hall and ran into Ian.

  “Hey Ian, how are you? I haven't seen you in awhile?” I said.

  “Yeah, I've been busy. How have you been?” he asked.

  “OK, Jen just had me on a blind date and it sucked.” he laughed at that. “See ya' around”.

  I went up to grab my coat and decided to just hang out in the lobby till it was time to go. I needed time away from my room and books. I wondered how it would go with Mason. Surely he would be defensive. But he needed to know he could never do that again. Lauren and Mason were over. He needed to know that too. Him laying his hands on Lauren voided her responsibility to end the relationship herself. She had the right to never speak with him ever again as far as I was concerned. We would end this for her tonight.

  Chapter 13

  Four of us headed toward Mason's frat. The pledges would be arriving shortly for the weekly house meeting. We didn't have a plan. I hoped we would not be like a bunch of starved chickens having at a few pellets of meal, Mason being our meal.

  “There he is. You guys wait here.” Jen said. Gladly, I thought. I wanted to just support the girls but I never liked conflict. She went over and asked him to come talk to us for a minute. He must have been pretty ignorant to not realize what we were there to talk about.

  'What's up?” Mason said nervously.

  Tara, who was adamant about tagging along when she heard what transpired, stepped up to him. She began jabbing him in the chest. “You are a real jerk. You have no right to lay your hands on a girl, YOUR girl especially. You two are done. If we see you anywhere near her we are calling the cops. No contact, no calls, no nothing. Got it?” I had no idea she had this side to her. She never seemed that passionate about anything besides her boyfriend. But this girl spoke every word with passion and seriousness.

  Mason was speechless. He just turned and walked away slowly. The rest of us picked up our mouths, which were hanging to the ground, and patted Tara on the back.

  “Phew, thanks for doing that. Well said Tara.” Jen said. You could see Tara was still buzzing with adrenaline from the confrontation. On the walk home we talked about some ways to cheer Lauren up and help her forget about the break-up. We settled upon a movie night/pizza party in their dorm room with all our friends...males included. We were about to break dorm rules and knew this rebellious plan would improve Lauren's mood.

  The plan was to congregate in Lauren and Mags room at 8PM with sleepover items. There were nine of us crammed in the room and we all staked out a spot. This was a completely innocent sleepover, no alcohol, no kissing, just a bunch of friends hanging out and seeing if we could get away with having a co-ed nine person sleepover.

  We watched The Princess Bride; half of us had seen it and half had not. I excused myself at one point in the movie to call my parents. They expected me to call and would be worried if I didn't.

  “Hi honey, how has your weekend been?” my mom asked.

  “Busy. Jen tried to set me up on a blind date and it failed. Then Lauren's boyfriend got jealous and hit her so we told him their relationship was over.” I didn't dare tell her about the sober patrol and my drunken night.

  “What part of that includes you studying? Hmm? If you do not score well, I will know it's due to all these people preoccupying your attention. Follow my advice, avoid these so called friends. They are trying to keep you from doing well.” I could feel the blood trickle as I absentmindedly rubbed the scab from my last cutting.

  “Mom, I spend so much more time than anyone on my floor studying. I know you can't see it, but I am working really hard here.”

  “Like hell you are. We will see when those grades come back.” she snarled. And the tears fell from my eyes. I felt so frustrated even though I know this was her way of encouraging me, but it came across so negative and bleak. I felt like I should just give up now because I could never be good
enough for her.

  “I know you don't believe me, but I am trying. Listen, I need to go. Bye.” and I hung up before I said something I regretted. I curled into a ball on my floor and cried. I don't know how long I stayed like that, trapped in my hopelessness. I took some deep breaths and tried to straighten myself out and decided that I needed to not stay for the sleepover. I would go back, eat with them, watch the movie and excuse myself. Surely with eight other people they would not miss me. When I felt calm enough to head back to Mags and Lauren's I snuck in to not disrupt the movie watchers.

  Unfortunately, someone had taken my spot. Jared moved over and made a space next to him. At this point, I was still thinking about the drama on the phone and could care less who I sat by. “Hey, thanks” I managed as I squeezed in next to him. I was trying to not look at him since he was probably still upset with me. “Hey” he replied, he looked up at me and his face turned serious when he saw my vacant expression. I had hoped the dark room and movie would be distracting enough to hide the fact that I had been crying, but he apparently noticed that too.

  “You OK?” he whispered. Thankfully he was tactful and did not announce at full volume that something was wrong with me. I nodded and fixed my eyes on the TV. My relationship with my mom was too complex to try to explain. Besides, what if I was the one at fault in that conversation? I wouldn't want Jared to think less of me. I couldn't look at him, I was afraid if I did, I would start crying again. I laid down on the pillow I had brought and cuddled around it for security. I stared at the TV, not even aware of what was on the screen. My mind was cycling with negative thoughts “you failed”, “you didn't try hard enough”, “you don't deserve this”, “I don't care if you got a perfect score – I saw every mistake you made”, “you should be like Susan – she's so much prettier than you”, and “when you fail, we're pulling you out of there and sending you to a cheaper school so you can stop wasting our money with your lack of effort.” I was trying to not let the tears begin again and focused on my breathing. It was a simple task that I needed to concentrate on, in and out. I was so focused that I hardly noticed the warm arm snaking under my own and coiling around my waist. I felt the rhythmic movements of his chest with each breath and I tried to match my breathing with his. This helped. He snuggled just a little closer with his chin resting near the top of my head. I let him do this. I needed to feel physical contact when inside I was so beaten to a pulp emotionally. It's funny how my mind was still processing the conversation I had with my mom and preventing me from fully appreciating this experience. What I did appreciate was his warmth, his gentle gesture, his arms that made me feel safe, and his scent. He smelled nice, like spices and musk. He held me till the movie ended and didn't uncoil from me till someone turned the lights on. The absence of his touch stirred me and brought me out of my head and into the present. I sat up and we shared a silent gaze. His eyes showed concern for me and I was hoping mine showed more gratitude than sorrow.

  “I need to use the bathroom” Greg announced breaking the silence.

  “Umm, we hadn't thought about that when we planned this.” said Mags. “It's past curfew so if you get caught on our floor – you will be in big trouble.”

  “I gotta' go, too.” said Edward.

  “Hold on a sec, let me scope out the situation.” offered Jen. She crept down the hall, past the RA's room and into the girl's bathroom. She checked all the stalls and found them empty. “The coast is clear” she said.

  It was quite comical seeing these boys creep down the girl's hall to the bathroom. The mission was a success. We limited the boys' beverages so they would not need to go again until the morning.

  I couldn't bring myself to leave my friends to sleep in my own room. I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts tonight so I stayed for the sleepover. After lots of talking and joking in the dark, we all fell asleep. Jared was still next to me and I had hoped he would cuddle with me again. I wasn't sure what kind of dreams my sleep would bring but I knew feeling his breaths next to me would probably encourage happier thoughts and more peaceful sleep. Unfortunately, he just wrapped his arms around his pillow and went to sleep.

  As soon as the sun was up, I grabbed my pillow, snuck out, and headed to my room. Finals were just two weeks away and I needed to do my best so my friends and freedom were not taken away from me.

  Chapter 14

  The next two weeks were spent with my head in my books with the occasional radio show. I only saw my friends at meal time. The good thing was that Jared was no longer mad at me. Whatever frustration or anger he had dissolved the night he comforted me. He was not overly friendly and he was not weird, he was just Jared. Cute, confident, kind, Jared. I was trying to not to let him back into my thoughts. I didn't need a boyfriend occupying my time and taking me away from my studies. But when I was near him, I could feel my heartbeat pick up. Maybe the cuddle time did nothing for Jared, but for me it planted a seed. It made me realize that there was more to him. He was a good guy, genuinely good. He didn't care what other people thought of him and he didn't need to be popular. He just did what he wanted to. Whoever would land this guy in the end would be one lucky girl.

  Two days before break, I had two more exams to study for. I knocked on Jen's door, expecting there to be no answer, and I was correct. She was spending so much time with Edward that I only saw her in passing. I hated when friends did this. It had happened to me so many times in high school. My friends would get a boyfriend, enmesh their life with his for months, then break up and come crying back to me. I'm not sure the “College Perry” would be so willing to let them come crying back to me. I would need to have a talk with Jen after break if she continued to be absent in our relationship. I decided to see if Mags was around. She and Tim were a pretty solid item but Mags seemed to balance everything in her life. She had time with Tim, time for studying, and time for friends.

  Knock, Knock.

  Mags opened the door and greeted me with a big smile and a side hug. “Hey Perry, come in!”

  Mags was the happiest person in the world. She was so positive and sweet that you almost wondered if she was faking it. How could someone be that happy all the time?

  “How's your finals going?” she asked.

  “OK, three down, two to go. How about you?”

  “I have one more left. They were pretty easy so far but this last one is my toughest one.” she said.

  “When are you leaving for break?” I asked.

  “My last final is tomorrow, so I will catch a ride home after lunch.” I feel sad thinking I won't get to see my friends for two weeks. They have become my family away from home. “How about you? Is Chuck taking you home?”

  “Yeah, my last final is in the morning on Friday. Chuck said his last one is around noon that same day. We'll leave shortly after that.”

  “I hope you do well on your tests and enjoy your break.” she gave an encouraging smile.

  “Thanks Mags, you too.” I returned.

  “So has Jen put you on anymore blind dates?” she asked.

  “No, thank God. I banned her from them. I never want to go on another blind date for as long as I live. Jen has been too occupied with Edward to worry about my love life or lack thereof.” I admitted.

  “Yeah, I rarely see her too. I guess they are pretty serious with each other.”

  I hate prying into people's lives but I am curious about Mags and Tim. “Hey, how are you and Tim doing?”

  She beamed, “He's so nice. I really like him. He helps me study, meets me for lunch, and once a week we try to have a little date on campus.”

  That sounded so sweet. “I'm so happy for your guys. You make a cute couple. I bet it will be hard to not see him for two weeks.”

  “It will, but I am anxious to see my family and friends back home. I'm sure I will be busy enough to not be too sad. What about you? Have you been thinking about any guys?” she inquired.

  “You know Mags, I hate being the only one unattached, but I have so much studyin
g to do that I am not sure I have time in my life for a guy.”

  “You do have a heavy course load and your classes are all challenging. Maybe you could just date and not get serious, that wouldn't take too much time. Are you attracted to anyone?” she asked.

  “I guess, yes. But you cannot laugh.” I wait for her to acknowledge that she will not laugh before I continued, “I like Jared. I like other guys too but there is something about Jared that is different.” I admitted.

  “Like what?” she asked.

  “I don't know. I had so many chances to get into relationships in high school. As soon as they would show any interest, I would pull away. That hasn't happened yet with Jared. I am sure there are imperfect things about him, but I am not thinking about them and am not bothered by them. Maybe it's because he's just not interested in me.”

  She raised her eyebrows to that last comment, “I don't know. I saw him cuddle with you in here the other night. I'm not sure friends do that to each other. I think he might like you.”