Inconsequential (J+P series) Read online

  Once I was out of sight I took a few huge breaths. What the heck was that exchange about? I needed some girl input. As I walked past Mags’ room I put my ear to the door and heard her giggling with her roomie. I knocked softly and before I knew it, Mags opened the door and welcomed me with a big smile.

  “Hey, I can’t believe you both are still up! But I’m glad you are.” I remarked.

  “Hey Perry, did you play in the snow tonight?” Mags asked while staring at me holding my damp coat.

  “Yep, till I got the wind knocked out of me. Did you guys get to have some fun in the snow?”

  “We did, we built a snowman and then headed to the hill for some sledding.” Mags’ roommate replied.

  “I’m surprised I didn’t see you on the hill.” I commented.

  “There were so many people that I am not surprised. Everything ok Perry?”

  “Yeah, I just need an opinion.” I then proceeded to tell Mags and her roommate about my evening. “So what I’m wondering is, am I leading him on without knowing it? I am not interested in pursuing him. Last year I pursued Jared for most of the year and this year I’m dedicated to studying. But why do you think he acted that way tonight? What the heck should I do?”

  Mags started chuckling, not to be mean, but more in a sympathetic way. “You’re close with all three of them. I don’t think you’ve been flirting with David. He probably either was really worried about you tonight or he might have some feelings brewing for you Perry. If you aren’t interested, it’s probably best to not do anything to lead him on. So avoid touching him as much as possible and sit by other people at meals. Don’t be rude, but if you have the option to sit away from him, take it.”

  I hugged Mags. I didn’t want to hurt David’s feelings, I just didn’t see him as anything more than a friend. “Thanks sweetie - great advice.”

  “Anytime,” Mags said and gave me a hug goodnight.

  I entered my room and laid out my wet clothes to dry and got in my comfy pjs. Molly was already sleeping so I tried to be as quiet as a mouse. I climbed into bed and laid awake thinking about what presents I wanted to buy my friends for Christmas. It was just 2 weeks away until winter break so I needed to shop before finals week. Thinking about presents was less stressful than thinking about David, and it wasn’t long before sleep took over.

  Chapter 8

  “Come on Molly, tell me your plan for our extra credit project?” Molly and I had not scored well on the last Organic Chemistry exam. We were trying to cushion our grade before the final to get a better grade at the end of the semester. Our teacher, a very stuffy older man, instructed us to come up with the most unique way to display what happens with certain reactions.

  “Toilet Paper.” She stated simply.

  “Come again? I didn’t catch that.”

  “Toilet Paper. We write the reactions on a roll of toilet paper, then roll it back up and give it to him. Then he can wipe his bum with this piece of crap extra credit assignment he has given us.”

  I was shaking my head in astonishment. Molly was pretty stuffy - for her to come up with this brilliantly funny way to deliver our answer...it’s just unheard of. I couldn’t help the laughs bubbling out of me now “You are so freaking brilliant! What do I need to do to help?” She handed me a sharpie and told me to watch what she was doing and then add to it. We spent the next 3 hours working on our assignment.

  Jen had popped over and saw us writing on t.p. with markers. “College extra credit on toliet paper?!” She got a kick out of Molly’s wit. That was the kind of stunt Jen would pull, but coming from Molly made it a million times more comical AND more awesome. “Hey, question Perry. When are we exchanging gifts?”

  “I think on Wednesday at the party before everyone heads out. One last little xmas party in our room.”

  “Cool, I’m off like a prom dress on prom night! Gotta do some shoppin’.”

  “See ya’ Jen.” I said shaking my head at her wild antics.

  I glanced at our clock, “One hour till my final radio show of the semester.”

  “Cool, I’m coming to it. Is it ok if I bring my books to study?” Molly asked.

  “Totally fine with it.”

  An hour later we headed to the station. There was a little cafe across the hall so people would bring food into the station. I was impressed to see David and Jared along with a few of our life science classmates. Jen and Edward also popped in and out of the station. I think they were more interested in grabbing grub but felt obligated to pop into my show. My show was 2 hours long and half way through I felt a foot tapping gently against my shoe. I discreetly peered out of the corner of my eye and saw Jared looking up at me with a half-smile. I gave him a questioning glance. Why was he tapping my foot? The song was about to end so I turned to queue the next song. Plink. Something bonked my head. I looked down to see a pencil on the ground and I heard snickering behind me. What the hell? Someone just threw a pencil at my head?! I felt pissed and turned to see David fighting a grin. “What the hell are you throwing pencils at me for?!” I yelled and threw the pencil back at his chest.

  “Sorry, sorry, I couldn’t help it. I didn’t like what I was seeing so it was all I could think to do.”

  I rolled my eyes and walked back to the machines. “Just what did you see anyway? Huh? Nothing. That’s what you saw.” I shook my head as I tried to settle down.

  He was jealous of Jared. He must be. Had he seen Jared tapping my foot? Did he see something going on between us, something he wanted to break it up? Well he was wrong. There was nothing going on between Jared and me, just friendship. And I didn’t like David in a romantic way. I really didn’t want to have that “just friends” talk with him, but it was starting to look like I might have to after all. I was uncomfortable in the station with present company. I had never known what to do when guys pursued me. I settled on ignoring everyone in the room and pretended to be overly obsessed with finding the best songs to finish the show. Jared didn’t try anything else and I was grateful for that.

  When the show finally ended, I waited for everyone to exit and I locked up the station. Unfortunately, David was lingering, as was Jared. David seemed to be waiting for me while Jared was just chatting with some of the passing people. I waved a quick bye and walked quickly toward the girls’ wing. When I reached the stairs I heard Jen holler “Perry, wait up!” I stopped in my tracks. I could deal with Jen, in fact, I probably needed to vent a little to her. “Where’s the fire? You were all weird after the show and shot off like your butt was on fire.” It’s true and I was so fixated on Jared and David that I didn’t even see Jen and Edward.

  “Hilarious Jen.” I snickered. “Actually, you and Edward missed seeing the drama that happened in the station.”

  “Drama!!! Ooo do tell!” She was such a whore for drama. The juicier the better.

  “Nothing much. Jared at one point was playing footsie with me. David must have seen it and not liked it, because he whizzed a pencil at my head to distract me.” Jen’s jaw dropped to the floor.

  “Shut the hell up! Two guys going for you at the SAME time! And here I thought you were heading for a nunnery after college.”

  “What two guys, I don’t have two guys! Jared isn’t pursuing me, he was just messing around. If a cat starts playing with my shoelace, it doesn’t mean it wants to marry it.” I remarked.

  “Oh sweetie, you have no idea. Jared played footsie with you...he totally was pursuing you.”

  “Hardly. But David was sure a jerk when he saw Jared and me interacting with each other.”

  Jen was in heaven stirring up my romantic pot. “Who are you gonna go for?”

  “What?! Neither. I told you, I need to have incredible grades this year. I am just enjoying my friendships and my freedom here in between many hours studying. No men for me.”

  “That’s not what THEY think!” She taunted in a sing-song voice. I could do nothing more but roll my eyes. Maybe we just needed a good dose of winter break to put things on ice
. Then when school started back up in January, we could get back to work and have less “relationship drama.” I can’t believe she actually believed both guys were pursuing me.

  I had two more days of finals, then our Christmas party/gift exchange, and then winter break. I couldn’t believe I was actually looking forward to break. I wasn’t excited to go home, but I needed to get away from the social drama here at school. Christmas was full of tradition but did not hold many happy memories. I also knew a negative exchange between my mother and I was inevitable. But being around the boys recently made me uncomfortable. It was easier to just not deal with it. I needed a psychologist. Something was seriously wrong with me, something that made me sabotage potentially good relationships, something that made me feel unworthy of love. But did people really see psychologists over that stuff? And what if they made me talk about the other relationships I had with my family members? Would they get in trouble for some of the stuff they did to me? Would they believe what I said? What would happen to me if they did get in trouble and it was all my fault? Nope, no psychologist. I couldn’t pay for one anyway.

  I said goodnight to Jen and retreated to my room where Molly was busy wrapping her presents. “Hey Molly, great idea. Are you done buying?”

  “I am. I think this was a great idea and I can’t wait to do the gift exchange.”

  “Me either.” I grabbed my bag of presents and sat next to her and started wrapping the gifts I had bought for my friends. We had a tiny table top tree sitting in our window and enough room around the base of it to place our gifts.

  “How do you think you did on your finals?” Molly asked. She had a lot of the same classes and finals as I did since we were in the same major.

  “I can never tell. I gave it my best and if my best isn’t good enough….well, then maybe I need to be looking at other majors.”

  “I’m sure you will do well Perry, you have studied really hard this year and have gone to EVERY class, even when you were under the weather.”

  “I know Molly, but it’s the cream of the crop they are taking. In high school I was the cream of the crop but it seems like now I am competing with the cream of the crop from across the nation - the numbers are not in my favor. I can only do my best and hope it’s enough.” My mother always spoke so highly of those that held medical degrees whether it be a doctor, vet, nurse, or pharmacist. My parents urged me toward one of those majors and I thought that if I achieved a degree in one of those I would finally earn their praise and acceptance. I wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box but I was determined and one of the hardest workers. I never stopped till I achieved what I wanted. But a backup plan might be wise in case I did not get chosen to continue to the advanced studies at the school.

  “How do you think you did?” I asked Molly, though I knew she had less to worry about. She had slightly better grades than me her freshman year so she had more wiggle room for this year’s grades.

  “Same as you, we’ll see when the report card arrives.” The main difference between Molly and I was that Molly did not have the threat of being yanked out of college if she did not perform well enough. “One more present and then I am gonna pack for home.”

  Chapter 9

  Finals were over. Bags were packed, and it was time to let loose, enjoy my friends, and celebrate the end of the semester. Jen had made a spiked Egg Nog, Greg and Jared brought some Rolling Rocks and MGD’s, someone else made a non-alcoholic punch, and there were different festive cookies. We put the little tree in the middle of our room’s open space and all our friends sat around it, enjoying the goodies and chatting about Christmas and the upcoming break.

  We passed our presents out to each other. The rule was to spend $10 or less on each person. Everyone seemed to like their presents. I bought Greg a ticket to see one of our favorite bands over break with me, he was so excited. He bought me a 12 pack of my favorite pop, Diet Coke with Lime. “You know me too well, and it’s perfect.” I told him.

  I wasn’t sure what to buy David so I bought him a nice rustic picture frame and I included a picture of me and the guys. “Thanks for the picture Perry.” he seemed happy with the gift.

  “David, I wasn’t sure what to buy you. But I know it’s hard for you to get motivated here at school. I really want you to succeed and I hoped this picture would motivate you so you could do well and stay at school with us.” I told him in a quiet voice so everyone would not know his business.

  “It’s awesome Perry, thanks,” he said looking at the picture. “Oh, here’s your present.”

  I unwrapped it and a medium sized dream catcher lay inside the wrapping paper. “Thanks David, how very Jacob Black of you.”

  “Jacob who?”

  “Never mind, it’s a Twilight thing.”

  “Is Jacob the super sexy one who gets all the girls and gives awesome presents? If so, then yes, ‘how very Jacob Black of me’.” That earned him a gentle poke in the ribs and a hug from me. Everyone got a good chuckle out of his comment though.

  Next I gave Jared a snow globe with a boy figure holding an umbrella over a girl. He looked a bit puzzled. “I thought of you when I saw that. Sometimes when I feel life is raining down on me, you seem to shelter me from it.”

  He smiled and continued looking at it and then took out his gift for me.

  “My gift is a little bit related to that. Here.” I opened a little cloth bag and inside was a medallion on a leather cord. There was a lightning bolt symbol on the front of it. I put it on and wondered why a lightning bolt reminded him of me. I then pulled out the little card that was inside the bag. The card had the symbol on it and the following:

  Ancient Rune

  Sowilo “the sun”

  Helps ward against the harmful opinions of others

  and to keep the heart focused on its purpose

  I looked up at him and then at the snow globe. He gave me a shy half-smile. “I know you are heading home on break and I hoped this might help you.”

  I fell a little more in love with Jared at that moment. “I love it. Thank you,” and I hugged him. I was beginning to feel a bit light headed and wondered how much liquor Jen put in the egg nog.

  “Hey, we are out of beer, I need one of you ladies to come to my room and help me get some more.” Greg announced.

  “Why a girl?” Molly asked.

  “Because I need someone to escort me back up to this room.” I volunteered because I needed a distraction. As much as I enjoyed the gifts, I had a hard time receiving them and I felt a new tension in the room. I grabbed a towel to wrap the beers in so we could hide it from the RA.

  As Greg and I were walking to his room he was talking about how excited he was about the concert. I added, “I bought tickets for one of my friends back home so there will be three of us going. Just come to my house an hour before the show starts.” Greg dug out his room key and was fumbling with the lock.

  “A little tipsy?” I giggled.

  “Just getting started Perry. I’ve been good all semester and I have no obligations tomorrow, get in here.” He said and closed the door behind me.

  “Alright, where’s the beer?” I turned to ask Greg and smacked right into his chest. His arms came around me and he lowered his head and began kissing me. He was so gentle and loving with his lips that I couldn’t help but melt into the kiss and enjoy it for what it was. The only thing I could focus on was how he was not like my last kiss, he didn’t shove his tongue down my throat, he caressed me and savored me. It was organic and heartfelt, not robotic and forced. I had never been kissed like this before and I was amazed at how it made me feel inside. After a while we both pulled back and looked at each other, a bit shocked. To be honest, we both looked as though we were placed in a dark room and told to kiss the other person in the dark room, and after enjoying it, someone turned on the lights and we discovered who we had kissed. His expression was not like in the movies where you now fall head over heels, it was more of a “now what are we going to do about this situation.”
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  “Um, we better get the beer and head back.” I muttered. Greg stared at me a while longer and then gave a quick nod and grabbed the beer. He hid it within the towel and we left and headed for my room.

  “Jeez, did you guys get lost or something? We were gonna send a search party for you.” Jared joked.

  I was still in shock, this whole night was pushing me past my comfort zone. “Um, we just were talking, lost track of time.” I looked over at Greg and he was sitting with his arms on his knees with his eyes trained to the floor. I had no idea what was going through his mind. In my mind, I loved him. At least as a friend. I could just be friends with him, or, could I be more? Too complicated, especially with liquor on the brain. I would let him make the moves if our relationship needed to change. For right now he seemed like a skittish cat and I hoped he didn’t just mess up our friendship. I couldn’t lose Greg as a friend. Maybe he just needed time to wrap his head around things. Time to consider things when he sobers up. Winter break would be a good break away from each other, although now that I got him concert tickets he had a date to come visit me. I needed to not worry about this, not now. It was the last time I would see my friends for 3 weeks and I wanted to laugh and enjoy myself.